He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
