Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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