im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
