im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
