i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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