i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
