I cannot find my penis.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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