Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
