I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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