Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are all done wearing pants today
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
