Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
