I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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