the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
