I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
