he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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