youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
