Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
