I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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