It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
