Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
