That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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