I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My balls are so social today.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
