uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
