mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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