i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
