um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
