On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
