I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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