can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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