Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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