I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
