Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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