she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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