I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
