They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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