Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
