I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
