i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
