tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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