I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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