he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
