Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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