The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
