I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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