just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
