If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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