This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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