Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
