Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
