i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
