And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
