I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize