dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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