I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
