Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
