We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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