im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
