Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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