i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
