He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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