Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize