Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
