just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
