You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
