come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
