its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
