Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Boobs speak an international language.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
