He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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