You smell like a Billy Joel song
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
