smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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