Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
