What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
