i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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