I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
