arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
