I think I died a long time ago.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
