just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
