I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
