What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
