UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
