Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
