I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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