i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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