I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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