Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
