Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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