it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
