wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
